speeches, dresses and other (ridiculous) customs
by Ierpier
Summary: Emma tries really hard to respect the culture of her parents, but the ridiculous customs of the Enchanted Forest can be quite a pain at times. Luckily Regina is there to make them bearable, most of the time at least.
1. The Virgin Ball

"Why am I doing this again?" Emma groaned while looking in the mirror. The dress she was wearing was awful: white as white could be and tailored in typical princess fashion. It had been made by granny, as was apparently tradition as well, and looked like it had been modelled after one of her childhood dolls. The white, layered fabric bulked up awkwardly and prevented any show of the body that Emma had worked so hard to achieve.  
"Because you are a princess, you are of royal lineage and it is important to uphold traditions." Snow explained patiently while carefully using hairpins to tame the blonde's curling hair. Emma ignored her mother and kept her eyes focused on the dress.

"You look beautiful." Praised Snow, mistaking the contempt in her daughters eyes for insecurity.  
"I look fourteen." Emma deadpanned trying, and failing, to flatten the poofy dress out by running her hands over the fabric.

"What is this party again?" Emma asked when she discovered that running her hands over the dress only made it bulk up more. It was at least the fourth time she asked, but she hoped that as her mother explained it again, she would hear the ridiculousness and she could go back to her waiting fiancée.  
Snow sighed but proceeded to answer the question again. "It's not a party. It's a ball. The Virgin ball is a traditional ball organized by the parents of a soon to be bride. It is a ball where only those who have never been touched may enter. It is customary for the girls to dance with each other in an act of purity, so that the bride can go into her marriage with a clean and pure body."  
"So basically it's like a bachelorette party without the alcohol, and the strippers, and the actual fun." Emma muttered.

Snow ignored her, instead repeating the words that seemed like her continual mantra. "It's tradition."  
"But I'm not even a-"  
"We are going to uphold it." Snow glared at her daughter before strutting away, accepting no more questions or complaints from her daughter.

Emma took one last look in the mirror, groaned, and prayed Regina would never _ever_ see her like this.

* * *

Being away from the restrained culture of the enchanted forest had led to quite the sexual liberation in Storybrooke. It was the only explanation as to why the young girls standing nervously in the ballroom where all within the age of twelve to sixteen. Apparently it was hard to find girls of a noble lineage who hadn't been_ 'touched_' yet that Emma would actually be able to socialize with. The girls where all dressed in the same horrible white bulky dresses as Emma and almost seemed to disappear into the white décor of the ballroom. Emma scouted the room in a vain hope to find any form of alcohol, but only found a large can of what appeared to be berry juice. And not the good, alcoholic kind.  
"Have fun dear." She heard snow whispering into her ear. The woman pressed a light kiss to her daughters cheek before leaving, undoubtedly to attend something more interesting than a virgin ball.

Suddenly the music started playing. It was nice music, probably from the Enchanted Forest, but not the kind of music that Emma knew how to dance on. Her mother had futilely tried to teach Emma some ballroom dances, but eventually decided that her daughter just wasn't a natural at the craft and had given up.

Unfortunately, all the other girls at the ball seemed to dance with the poise and elegance that Emma lacked. The girl she was dancing with was a at least thirty centimeters shorter than her, but danced with more determination and grace that Emma would ever be able to muster. Emma had to stop herself from stalking off the dance floor to sulk in a corner as yet another girl pranced around her with frustrating ease while she was still fumbling with her feet.

Suddenly her dance partner halted and immediately dropped her hands from where they had rested earlier. Emma immediately checked her feet to see if she hadn't crushed yet another girl's feet underneath hers, but their feet remained at a relatively safe distance. When she looked up again, the angel in front of her was ushered away and made place for the devil.

Regina looked every bit the sinner in heaven and Emma couldn't be more glad about it. In the universe full of white she looked like a black hole, tearing away everything around her and leaving nothing but darkness in her wake.  
She also looked absolutely gorgeous: the dress she was wearing wasn't the usual little black dresses that the mayor liked to wear to their dates. It was one of her evil queen dresses. Long dark black velvet that barely seemed to touch her skin at all, low cut at her back and adorned with jewels at the front, showing off one of the many assets that the queen possessed. It made Emma want to touch. It made her want to show exactly how much of a virgin she was.

"Enjoying your party dear?" Her fiancée drawled, tracing her collarbone with one finger and playing with the blonde's elegant curls. Emma tore away her gaze from Regina's … dress and pulled the woman closer to her.  
"Hm increasingly so." She husked in her ear, earning a soft chuckle from the brunette. "I really enjoy this dress too." She murmured, tracing the tantalizing curves of her soon-to-be wife.  
"I'm afraid I can't say the same about yours dear." Regina said as she pulled at one of the many layers of white fabric, causing it bulk up even more. "Did your mother make it?"  
"Granny." Emma deadpanned, causing Regina to snort heavily into her Emma's shoulder.

"Well at any rate, we decided to spice up your party a little." Regina declared, directing Emma's attention towards the women walking into the room. Ruby, dressed in a short fiery red dress strutted in bearing two bottles of champagne. Katherine, though dressed classily, still stood out as a grown woman between the girls in the white dresses. Ashley had chosen one of the dresses she used to wear to their girls nights and Belle wore a cute dotted cocktail dress, high heels making up for her petite posture.

"You worked together to rescue me? With them?" Emma grinned against Regina's neck before pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I'm proud of you."  
"Well it is sure to enrage your mother, so I was willing to put our difficulties aside." Regina answered, a slightly smug smile forming around her lips before she pulled Emma towards her and pressed a feather light kiss to her mouth.

"Now dance with me, after all, it's tradition."

* * *

**I hope you liked that. Please review? I have LOTS of ideas about ridiculous enchanted forest customs to throw at Emma. If you have an idea: leave it in a review and I might use it =)**


	2. Pledging Loyalty

She was sitting on the tiny balcony of the Storybrooke city hall. She felt absolutely ridiculous.

The gown she was wearing in no way fit the surroundings of the tiny balcony or even the quiet little town. It was one of the dresses that Snow had made for her in 'Enchanted Forest Fashion'. It was not an ugly dress, but Snow seemed to enjoy covering up as much of her daughter as possible. That aside, the regal, light purple dress looked completely out of place on the gloomy balcony. It was made for princesses in castles, not for the savior in a cursed town.

Snow seemed oblivious as ever to her moping daughter, waving enthusiastically at the crowd of people below them. Though crowd was a big word for it: the custom of pledging loyalty had originated from the time that hundreds and hundreds of people would live around the court and people would come from the furthest reaches of the land to see their king and queen. In the little town of Storybrooke, the whole affair had lost much of its appeal. The speech was the same every week, and Emma wondered if she could recite by now, having heard the speech a dozen times already. Since listening to her parents saying the same thing over and over again seemed, to Emma, like a waste of time for _anyone_, she wasn't surprised that there were barely six people waving back. Most of them seemed more interested in her than in her parents, probably out to catch a glimpse of the famous 'savior'. Emma groaned and tried to smile when Snow started her ridiculous speech for the umpteenth time this month.

_"I could call you subjects, but you are not my subjects. You are not the people living in my land, you are my land. And as I have sworn to serve this land, I have sworn to serve you. To be righteous, to be fair, to be honest, to be the queen you all deserve." _

Emma groaned inwardly at the speech. It might have been inspiring the first time around, but now it was already getting painfully clichéd. Then again, that seemed to be the thing with her parents. If she heard one more 'I will always find you' ….

Well sometimes she understood why Regina turned evil. 

* * *

Suddenly she got distracted from the rather long and tedious speech as someone joined the crowd. If she hadn't recognized the woman, she could have known from the way the small crowd parted at her behest. Regina Mills was looking her signature combination of smug, annoyed and regal. She sat down, crossed her legs and began listening intently to Snow, probably laughing at her inwardly too.

Well Emma would, at least.

_"I will strive to defend our land like I defend my family, for you are my family. I will keep the land and myself fertile-"_

That line still made Emma gag. 'Fertile' no doubt ranked high in her list of 'words she would never want to be called'. She caught sight of Regina and even though the trained politician hardly moved a muscle, Emma recognized the slight snort that Regina gave at Snow portraying herself as a broodmare. Sometimes she wondered if Regina had changed the ridiculous speech when Snow became queen to ridicule the woman.

Snow however, seemed to love the idea of being fertile and smiled broadly at first Charming, then at Emma. Emma forced herself to smile back and swallow the gag that followed.

_"Me and my husband, we are here to serve you. We are here because every day you put faith in us. Because every time you plow the field, you trust in your king and queen maybe thousands of miles away from you. Every time you mount your horse to go to battle, you believe in your king and queen far away from your battlefield-"_

Emma took another glance at Regina and noticed that the woman was mouthing the words along with her mother. Emma couldn't blame her: she probably had to hear the exact same words countless times while sitting next to the king. Briefly the image of the young, unhappy Regina sitting on the balcony trying to look happy flashed through her mind. Emma hated the customs, but at least she'd be free of it after the show was over and could go on with her life. Regina had to live this, this fake life, for years upon years upon years.

_"You believe in us. And I think you believe me when I say this: My daughter Emma is a gorgeous, smart, kind-hearted, loving woman-"_

Emma's ears peaked up, not only because she was mentioned by name, but also because this was different from the usual speech. Snow was obsessed with getting the speech the exact right way every time, so for her to completely divulge from the customary speech was unusual to say the least. Emma turned her head to throw a glare at her mother. Whatever it was, she hadn't been consulted about it. If she was going to inherit the throne or something she figured she should be the first to know. She didn't care if it was a custom, she had her limits.

_"-And that is why the person that I will grant her hand to, has to be someone of equal grace, someone that can challenge my daughter, that can relate to her in a way that I will never be able to. Someone who can make my daughter happy in a way that I can't. This is why I am happy to announce that my daughter, Emma Swan, has found that person in the most unlikely of places: I am happy to announce the engagement between Emma Swan and Regina Mills."_

Emma's mouth fell open at her mother's words. She hadn't expected anything like that to come out of her mother's mouth. She had expected Snow to be angry at her, not cheer on the engagement as the first cheerleader. She had expected speeches about true love and possibly even a show of homophobia.  
She had been afraid of those things, which was exactly why she hadn't told her yet.

Snow looked equally shocked at the first that had just come out her mouth. She slapped her hand in front of her mouth as if she could stop more words from coming out. She stood up, found herself trapped between her husband and her daughter and sat down again. Emma tore her gaze away from her mother and searched in the crowd for Regina. When their eyes met, Regina smirked and stood up from the chair. She blew a kiss at Emma and before she turned and walked away, mouthed something at Emma.

"You're welcome dear." Snow said.

* * *

**I had a blast with this one, hope you liked it too. And yes, I enjoy making fun of Snow as much as Regina does.  
**


End file.
